It’s Friday, as it so often is. I’ve been having a bit of an “angry at being disabled” phase again. It comes and goes. When I feel this way, it’s usually about things that I can’t do. Sometimes it’s easier to get over—yeah, I can’t ice skate, but a lot of able bodied people can’t either—and other times I really struggle, like getting frustrated about the fact that I’ll never be able to go to a concert. I never can quite manage to get over things like that.
On a more positive note, I finished making my dad’s present earlier this week! I’m trying not to be too critical because I’ve only gotten positive responses about it, including when I didn’t even ask for an opinion, but it’s always hard not to focus on all the little imperfections. If you have any creative hobbies, I’m sure you know what I mean. I do feel pretty good about it in general, I would be very happy to receive it as a gift, but the anxiety about it won’t leave. Not exactly an uncommon occurrence for me.
Since then, I’ve sort of been taking a break from anything that is hard on my wrists or hands. It’s difficult, considering all my hobbies involve the use of my hands to some extent, but I’m doing what I can. I’m almost done writing something up that I think is important, even though it’s pretty vulnerable, for the 1st and I’m fairly happy with it. I try not to ramble on too much but I am, to be a little silly with it, a major yapper so it can be difficult.
I’m still playing Slime Rancher 2 but I’m kind of at this dead end in Dreamland where I can’t figure out where I’m supposed to be going. I should probably try to look it up but, I don’t know, I like trying to figure it out on my own.
I’m realizing as I’m writing this that I say “but” basically every other sentence. I don’t really know what else to say, though. I definitely am willing to say “yet”, “regardless” and “despite that”, I just can’t get over the way it contrasts with the casual way I speak here. Maybe that’s a me problem. I have gotten comments about the way I sometimes mix speaking styles before, though, and those kind of things really stick in my head. I have been known to mix modern slang and vernacular of the 17th to 19th centuries.
On a similar note, I’m honestly still caught up on being told I speak in a childlike tone. I plan to talk about this later but I lost my ability to speak for a couple years and it was quite a struggle getting it back. I’d mostly gotten over being insecure about the way I talk but it’s kind of come back after that. Not that I think speaking in a “childlike” way is inherently bad, I just didn’t really think that about myself and now I’ve been paying more attention when I talk. That unfortunately has the effect of me stuttering more. I used to stutter a lot and it’s a lot more intermittent now but it tends to act up when I get into my head about speaking. I don’t know why that happens. It’s really annoying, though.
I’ve been reading more again. Right now I’m reading a physical book which I prefer in general, although I can’t deny that reading digital gives me more freedom of posture so it’s easier on my body. I absolutely love to read, fiction and non-fiction, so that’s been rather nice.
I think that’s all I’ve got for now. I will see you all again on Sunday, can’t say quite what I’ll be talking about then, and then for the usual Tuesday check-in. Have a lovely weekend!